MY EMOTIONAL STATE OF MINDS

When I was in my second grade in the elementary school, I had an IQ test. Based on the result I got high point on critical analytical thinking and creativity, however a low point on emotional attachment that means I don’t get easily emotionally attached on something or someone like most normal people did.

Well, it doesn’t mean, I can’t be happy or sad or angry over something, of course I could!!! However most of the time I managed to keep it level headed.

First I was thinking that I might have emotional apathy. Emotional apathy is an absence of emotion or suppresses your feeling on something to avoid you from being hurt or getting hurt. It likes defense mechanism used to escape from pain or hurt. Of course it can help you to diminish the pain and negative experiences then continues living as usual; however it also makes you become inanimate and bitter toward life.

After I learned more about the definition of emotional apathy, I realized that it’s definitely not justified my emotional state of minds. First of all, I’m not bitter person toward life even though in the process of life I might get stumble, pain or getting hurt but honestly it’s worth all the pain when I reached my goal!!!... Secondly I love life and being a live because I had so many plans that I like to do with my life.

Then I come to my last conclusion that my lack of emotional attachment it must be got to do with my critical analytical thinking or the voice of reason, “thing happens for a reason -- I just have to find the reason why? And if I couldn’t find the reason, then I accepted that is part of human character which it’s nothing got to do with me! So every times I have difficulty dealing with peoples, I always ask myself over and over again;

“Is it worthwhile for me to accept this?” If it is, I will spend my time and energy to cope with it and if it’s not, I don’t bother to do anything then I just walk away and move on without hatred.

For me hate or hatred is a strong word which consumes a lot of energy; mentally and also time moreover it avoids me to move on. So my definition of hate is dislike because there’s an explanation or logical thinking behind it – the reason why I don’t like it and detached me from being too emotional or too angry.

My definition of sadness is disappointing of disagreement that means the person is failing to meet my expectations, hopes, desires, or standards because of disagreement. Then it comes to my next question: “Is it worthwhile for me to low my expectation, hopes, desires or standards for it?”… If it is, I’ll accept the agreement with all of the consequences or we could discussed the new term of agreement that meets both party’s requirements and if it’s not, I will accept that we have disagreement because of both party’s didn’t meet each others requirements and I just move on without hatred to find a better deal. Again it detached me from being sadness.

Then my definition of happiness is imperfection of life that fulfilled with ups and downs with a deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection, solicitude and gratitude. So when I'm in my happy state of minds, i did not become "euphoria".

I guess by trying to define my emotional state of minds somehow it helps me a lot to balance my emotional and keep it level headed.

When people think either I’m being too soft, too positive, too patience nor emotionless that’s simply untrue!!! I just try to put things in logical perspective, because sometimes our emotions can cloud our judgment and makes us being too attached or too emotional over something that might not necessary after all.

In the end of the day I just don’t want to waste my energy and time over something that I know exactly it's useless and unproductive.

“Life is already complicated enough and I did not want to add another complication in life"